Why I Left New York City to Move to Upstate NY, and How It's Going!
Spoiler Alert- It’s going v well!
Country Mouse becomes City Mouse and then back to Country Mouse again :)
I moved from Queens, NY to a little 1890’s schoolhouse in Sullivan County, back in March 2021 and I have to say, it is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. A lot of people are baffled by how extreme of a move it seems like, coming from the most bustling city in the world and moving to a rural area where I can go days without seeing a neighbor. After I explain my situation I’ll either hear “OMG I want to do the same thing!” or “You’re frikkin’ nuts!”
I definitely felt nuts, but, for years I had been contemplating leaving the city. I grew up in Easton, CT, the native land of Wappinger, Paugussett , Pequonnock tribes. Easton is a quaint little town with lots of Christmas tree and apple farms and only two stores. I had a rough home life and it was impossible to get anywhere without a car, so being out in nature was my safe place. I especially loved exploring the beautiful reservoir down the street from my house. It was built by flooding a town and I would imagine what the people were like who once inhabited the stone ruins that you could find in the woods or see when the water receded. It was a super magical place <3
Photos to prove it:
During college I moved to Boston and have lived in cities ever since, about which I have zero regrets. A few years ago I started to deeply miss having a close relationship with a place like I did with the reservoir, but moving out of a city felt like an impossible, dangerous thing to do. I compromised with myself by relocating to Glendale in Queens, which is basically the suburbs. I stayed in The City for my friends/chosen family, boyfriend, creative work opportunities and just, all the crazy things that are only possible in NYC. However, in my day to day life, I was tired of being there. Even before Covid I always had a car, avoided taking the train and hated going into Manhattan, and spent most of my time in my neighborhood or checking out different parks.
As Covid progressed my relationship with my boyfriend grew worse and worse. I had been convinced that my trauma and I were what was causing all of our big problems. After tons of work with an amazing coach, I was strong enough to realize that that wasn’t the case, and he eventually tried couples therapy with me. Unfortunately he still wasn’t ready to do the real work that was necessary. He would sit in our sessions and go through the motions, but wouldn’t dig deep. He constantly made me feel like crap and was outright mean to me, but I still wasn’t ready to give up and thought things would be better if I had space of my own with a door to close and be alone, which wasn’t possible or respected in our railroad apartment.
I started by looking at apartments outside of the city and wishing for a magical cheap cabin to appear that could also be our weekend getaway. Sadly my hours of searching were fruitless and I ended up renting a very cute studio space that was a 10 minute walk from our house. Unfortunately, during the move my partner was so mean to me about so many things that my decision was made and immutable. I broke up with him the next day after therapy.
The following day I was very much not looking forward to looking at NYC apartments during a pandemic, and refreshed my craigslist cabin search and what do you know, I found the listing for my little schoolhouse! It had been posted 10 days before and I really have no idea how I didn’t see it before. I emailed immediately, got a super quick response, and went to check it out with my pup Harvey a couple days later. It was almost dark when I arrived but when I turned onto my road I knew that this was the place. There was still a ton of snow on the ground and that first night was INSANELY COLD, dirty (the toilet had been clogged and frozen since the fall!), and I couldn’t get on the WiFi, but it was perfect. The next morning I woke up, saw a cute mink out the window, took Harvey on a walk that he hated, and drove into Callicoon to text my landlord that I was going to take it!
Over the next couple weeks I put a bunch of my stuff into storage and took a few trips up in my Subaru Forester until finally I was living in upstate New York!
I still feel like a crazy person sometimes, but I know that living in NYC wasn’t going to do anything for me. I actually love my relationship with the city way more now.. I drive down every few weeks, stay with two of my best friends (Hi Terri and Julie!) and run my errands or go to a friend’s event I’m there for. Once I’ve had my fill I pack up Harvey, Poppy and GTFO. I also love hosting my friends from the city for weekend adventures, I’m the ultimate Sullivan County tour guide!
Look at all these beautiful visiting friends! Love you all so much <3
You’re probably wondering how I support myself up here and I want to be transparent. I also want to acknowledge the immense privilege I have been blessed with by having the opportunity to do this in my lifetime. I have gone through most of my savings, which is super scary to say the least. Thankfully I am on unemployment and run an Etsy shop where I sell cat toys that I make and vintage ash trays and other collectibles. This covers most of my bills and I also take the random funny craigslist gig or sewing job here and there. It’s not much but it’s enough to get by as long as I’m not frivolous, which means hardly eating out, I rarely buy alcohol or weed, and I don’t really buy anything other than food, gas or the necessities unless it’s something very special from the thrift store. I am hoping to find a job working for a healer from whom I can learn about herbalism, energy work, flower essences, breath work, or some other form of holistic healing. If you know anyone who does these things please put me in touch! I’m also super interested in healing pets naturally and have had my eye on a pet herbalism certificate course, but have been too afraid to pull the trigger until I’m more securely employed.
That being said I am having an amazing time and being frugal has been easy since there is so much to do here that is free. There are hundreds of acres of land around me that I can explore and find all sorts of cool plants and fungi. I’ve been learning about the local medicinal herbs and and edible fungi which makes me feel very decadent while still sticking to my budget. I go swimming in a beautiful lake or the Delaware River and Harvey does his little physical therapy swimming, which would have cost $200 a session in NYC! I haven’t seen him limp in over a month and I’m so proud of my little wilderness chihuahua. I also have so much more time to write, read, and make artwork, all of which I felt was a big waste of time in the city. I meditate, sing and dance around my house daily which help to keep me grounded and vibrant. I have some very sweet neighbors and have made friends with some local cool gals which makes me feel less isolated and like a part of the community. For dating, I’ve dabbled in the apps and have been pleasantly surprised by the amazing people I’ve met, but I really don’t want to be in a committed relationship until I know what I’m doing next. I occasionally get suuuper stressed about money and where I’m going to live when it’s too cold to live in the schoolhouse since it isn’t insulated, but for the most part I’m mentally and physically doing better than ever and I’m so proud. If you know of anywhere cool I can live starting in November please be in touch!
If you’ve been thinking about taking the plunge and moving somewhere new, I highly recommend it. What do you have to lose? If it’s not much and its something you can’t stop daydreaming about, I say go for it! Please reach out if you have any questions about how or why I have done any of this. I’m an open book and am here for you :)